Exciting and new ~ come aboard we’re expecting you!

Where is Julie the cruise ship director when you need her!!

We are indeed living in some whacked out times. The economy, da weather, so high tech that I can google earth your ass and find out where are.

Yet the oldest thing in the world is still the hardest - L O V E …

I have a friend ( whom shall remain nameless ) that is always in some kind of drama or in flux.

The people she meets all lie. Now come on peeps, why would you put up a photo of you that was taken 10 years ago? This includes da Women too!

What happens when someone wants to meet cha?

Why lie and pretend you are not married?

Oh I see, you wanna get a little !!!   Minga….

What happened to that magic moment when you meet someone across a crowed room and fall deeply in love. I’ll tell ya what happened! The room’s aint that crowded any more and the room was replaced by your computer. Ahhhhhh High-Tech love…  Skype me Baby….

Now look I am a huge fan of the Internet and all it has to offer. I even met my Honey on da net. However at some point when you finally get dat Face to Face with your potential new lover all of a sudden da thrill is gone?

Your imagination and the fantasy of it all can be so intoxicating that you are lead into a drug induced feeling of Loveness. But da face to face snaps your ass right out of it and you then find yourself on dat roller coaster doing a downward spiral. You’re sayin – do I meet the height requirement for this ride?

At times my friends have even said, well yeah I met him and I did not have that – ahhhhhhhh connection but I think I need to give it a little time. Before ya know it, da holidays are coming and you think well – I’m just gonna give it a little more time. WHY!!

Sometimes the holidays came make you do some dumb things! Like stay with someone you met at Halloween just because the season is on the way.

Lying - restraining orders – Oh My ~~~ and so it goes !!!

Whether you are the Hunter or the Huntress, Da Goombah or da Gomada -speak the truth! Dare to be different.

Meeting people is hard enough. Let alone going on the quest to find the love of your life.

If you’re lucky you can see through al the shit by the 2^nd date. Sometimes it takes 6 months before you can see through the shit.

Stats prove that people can change their behavior for 6 months then after that they will go back to who they really are.. When someone shows you their true colors the first time, believe them. It is truly what it is.

We all have enough drama do we really need someone else’s? And don’t fall into that “ I don’t wana be alone BS!” Because after 6 months when u are having morning coffee and you look at the Mook across the table you will wanna beat your own ass with a stick..

Here is the road map of what to look for….

Someone who is present!

Someone that can give you love, mutual respect and who is considerate.

Someone that supports who and what you are.

Someone that knows a relationship means compromise and finding the middle of the road.

Someone you don’t settle for.

Someone you don’t have to fix or change, cuz guess what? Ya Can’t!

Now that you have a lot to bring to the table and that you deserve to feel all that passion and fire.

Look for understanding instead of miscommunication and frustration. Instead of friction and competition have mutual support and cooperation.

Continue to keep your heart open and hold on to an optimistic view of the future.

“For true partnership is achieved only by separate and whole beings who retain their separateness even as the unite. Remember to let the winds of Heaven dance between you”! So says the Rune of partnership.

Get back what you give and give what you get back. All that just to say balance and respect.

Once you have all that, the Passion, romance and spontaneity go hand and hand.

So promise yourself that you will no longer fool yourself with your own enchantment and expectation but be more vigilant in your quest.

Now isn’t that RomanticJ

So hang on to your Hat’s kid cause Valentine’s Day is right around da corner. Ahhhhh da pressure of it all… Your crew asks you~   you gotta date?

 You think OMG what if I am alone on Valentines Day!!

Look the last thing you want to do is settle for da Mook who asks ya out and then have that tortured decision to make!

Ok if he buys me a really nice gift do I haf’ta BANG him?

It aint easy being an Italian Chick! PEOPLE HAVE SO MANY EXPECTATIONS OF YOU….

People really don’t understand the complexity of what it all really means.

Now if you were an Italian Dude it was way easy for you.. But da Chicks in da family. Ooohhhh  Fahhhhhhhhhhhh..

It meant:

·    Never having Boys as friends until you were old enough to date? And even then it was drama.

·    Leaving the house without makeup on and then putting it on at your friend’s house.

·    Always having to meet some Italian guy that just got to the states and you got the “look over” to see if there might be a match. Ewwwwwww

·    That on a Sunday you always had to be home for dinner.

·    Smiling at your long lost Aunt that did not speak a word of English as she gushed all ova you.

·    Getting pissed that your Brother could do what ever he wanted.

·    You never really lied you just maneuvered your conversation.

·    You ratted your Sister’s out so that the heat was off of you.

·    Two sets of clothes, one to leave the house and the other in a bag so you could get dressed at your friends. You had to do that so not to hear your Dad say. “Aye, ma where u thinka you go wit dat on? Ahhhhhhhhhh!

·    Denying any thing you were accused of – hey we don’t fold unda questioning.

·    When you were a kid your big night out was the Feast.

·    Looking at your hot cousin and sayin, I could do him! Then making the sign of the cross.

·    You were the tough gurl in Catholic school.

·    Never asking what Uncle Jack did for a living.

·    Going in the confession box and giving a dissertation and you would always end it with and Oh yea Father, I lied too.. This way when you lied about your sins you were covered in the end.

·    Eating way too much and then asking for Brioschi just so you could make room for more.

·    Brioschi was like the Italian version of pop rocks. I would just take the bottle and drop pieces on my tongue and watch it explode.

Then something happened, something odd and strange? You saw photo’s of where your family came from and finally met your Grand Mother from Italy. Then the switch-hit.

IT MEANT:

·      This sense of pride and wonder of a country you never saw.

·      This desire to explore the culture.

·      Hearing your first Opera.

·      Learning to speak the language.

·      You finally understood why Rome wasn’t built in a day.

·      Receiving packages from Italy with the most amazing cheese and tuna and CANDY.

·      Roots

·      Values

·      Understanding why you had all this passion.

·      Not getting pissed when you Dad played Italian music on Sunday. And really loving a folk singer named Carlo Butti.

·      You were different.

·      Tradition and family.

·      Drama.

·      Love.

·      That we are all not Gangsters.

·      We understand that not all depictions of the Italian culture are not all negative, except for The Jersey Shore J

·      When you watch the Godfather, Goodfella’s or any other movie, Get a sense of humor and don’t take it so damn personal.

·      Give up – you will never make meatballs like your Mom.

And finally – I WILL CONFESS and say, even though you have respect for you culture and heritage you will still find yourself saying, “ NOW GO HOME AND GET YOUR SHINE BOX!”

Ok all of you who are tired of dragging around everyone’s baggage including your own say – HEY !!!!

I understand all da shrink rules on how you have shaped your life based on your up bringing. How you are what you have eaten! Yikes.
How your fears and insecurities are not entirely your own but rather passed down. Like the last cannoli.
At times you think, “my childhood was pretty damn good!” Until you start seeing the patterns. Always choosing the wrong partner or settling.
I think you really don’t figure out that you may have some residual issues until you start dating. That’s when you hear yourself and see yourself doing things that you never thought you would.

So you do the right thing. You go to Da Shrink do the work, realize how you were affected, recognize your patterns and say BASTA!
Then just when you think you have them licked – you find you are either way to unavailable or way to available! MAN…….
So finally after the dance of finding the balance you are all fixed and good to go and then there is know one to see it or share it.

Ok, so you give it time. Even when you start dating someone new you realize that you can see red flags faster, you’re not making them turn into other colors just to get by.
You realize that you run faster rather then deal with it. You realize that you are really ready to let someone in now. I am not saying you are perfect! But you are ready! Once in blue someone may even push a button but it’s still OK..
That’s the good news! Now, the bad news - is that everyone you meet has issues, drama and madness. They have a past that is part of their day-to-day present. Like a dog with a bone they won’t let it go. They are on meds, they have a shrink, and they may even have 2 shrinks, a life coach, and a self-esteem coach. Minga!

But then you think and say, “well – you had shit, you needed time, you held back! Take a shot! Give it a whirl! 
Ok what I just said, NEVER DO !!!
It seems good at the time but then your screwed. 
First, I you think you can help because you had issues!
Next, now here is da twist ~ ~ you gotta be careful with these people because they are smart in a slick way! THEY HAVE HAD MORE HEAD PROBING THEN AN ALIEN ON THEIR FIRST TRIP TO KANAS.
What that means is they are good at manipulating and really good at blaming you! NOT THEM !!!
They have clear heads, no responsibility! I think because they have had all this headwork they feel exonerated. So what they do is turn it on you and all of a sudden it’s your baggage not theirs. You feel the way you do because of their shit. You see what I mean?
Oh Man – Run forest Run ~~~

But at some point you have to say – WHY AM I DOING THIS?
And then you think and say hummmmmm maybe I missed some sessions at DA SHRINK or maybe, just maybe you are a hopeful Romantic and believe that love conquers all. 
That when Love is part of the equation you would do anything to make things right. 

Ya know what? Never stop believing that because it’s true !! Never let anyone make you think that your perception of love is wrong or not real. Or part of some Fairytale 
I am so tired of hearing my friends tell me these horror story’s of these Men and Women that they meet. How they bend over backwards to make things right and try and try. If its that much work – IT AINT LOVE – it’s a friggin burden.
Let them live in the past - YOU , YOU move forward.

So hear we are all grown up still looking for love in all the wrong places and ending up in a wasteland of baggage.

Take a deep breath and figure out how to move on and pray that the next person you meet only has a clutch or a small pouch rather feeling like you standing at the luggage carousel at JFK.

Lately I think the Moon & Stars are all out of whack! So many friends have been sharing with me their relationships issues or saga’s or patterns.

What the hell is wrong with people? Look if ya wanna get laid just say so. But don’t do the relationship dance and then 3 months later turn into Da Mook you always were.

A friend told me after a year into her relationship they were talking about their future, marriage. Then he tells her I am not sure I want to get married. I was married before and I don’t like being told what to do and when I can do it!  Hummmm. So she says, so what does that mean for us?

He says, well we can still be together, I have friends that live separately in other parts of the world and are married.

Really she says, they why have I never met them?

Look its pretty clear that this Mook wants you when he wants you and dats, Dat !

Intimacy issues – Run Forest run !~~~

Then I meet one of my niece’s new Boy toys at one of my shows. The second I met him I knew something wasn’t right! It was like I saw a hat on his head that said “someum aint right!”. We say hello, she says Nada, then she says, he looks kinda Guido like, huh! I looked at him and said yea, you do but I will reserve what I really feel about you after 2 months.. Thank God I did not have to have that conversation, he is already dust!

Then another friend was telling me about her bi-polar and manic Honey. Two days off and 4 days on. That’s like datin a Mormon. Why, why , why !! DO YOU REALLY NEED THIS!

You’re a fun person, spontaneous and loving – do u need a bat to make u see this!

Look if the meds aint workin and the Shrink aint helping – RUNNNNNNNNNNNN, Now.

Why do we do this? We do this for -Connection! Love, Romance and the need to partner.

Some peeps are lucky, they get it right!! God Bless.

But some peeps keep choosing the wrong people and that just plain sucks!

They don’t do it on purpose it just happens or perhaps we believe so much in romance that we think we can make it happen.

Alfred Lord Tennyson said, “Tis better to have loved and lost. 
Than never to have loved at all.”

This I believe to be true! I keep telling my friends to chant this so that they do not get tainted or bitter, ewwwww there is nothing worse than bitter.

I know when you are a believer it is hard to let go but there comes a point where you just have to.

I know, how many more lessons are there to learn.!

Hey, don’t ask me I sucked in school!

All I know is that you need to Love you, let go and move forward. I believe there is a reason for everything and a reason to believe.

I am going to share with you not only a little secret but a statistic as well. If you wanna give yourself 6 months with Jimmy 2 times, fine! HOWEVER, here be da Stats – When it comes to behavior peeps can do anything for 6 months after that they will turn into the friggin Mook they always were and then you are trapped because u let go and let love in. The short of this is you are now screwed across the board.

So hold back a tad and watch and observe because when someone shows you their true colors the first time, believe them- cuz that what they are.

So trust your instincts and if they really suck, just get laid and go home!

But trust me – it will come when you least expect it!

Worse case marry da Mook if he has money then find a boy toy and then 2 years later, DIVORSE HIS ASS!

AHHHH – RECIPROCITY !!

I was inspired to write this piece by a friend whom is having a singles mixer. I think she is doing a great thing. However, I would call it HOOK UP FOR THE HOLIDAYS! 
There are so many wonderful people out there looking for the Love of their life. Looking for people sans baggage! Look at this stage of the game you should just be happy if they have a messenger bag and not a trunk..

But I am a believer in believing! I believe that your Love is out there if you just have the patience and the faith to believe!!!! So here it goes…



Oh my God! I am so happy! I can’t believe it. I never thought I could feel this way. I am so much in love ~ ~ ~ ~ AGAIN?

How does this happen? I mean at times I suppose that people can misrepresent them selves. But at some point we have to take responsibility for being married to the fantasy. And stop loving the fiction but rather realizing the facts.

You find yourself going from one disaster relationship to another. And you even fool yourself into believing that you learned from the last one. So you create this façade of wisdom attached to your decision, just so your friends will support your madness.
Friends are great like that. Even if they think you are out of your mind they will say. O M G – I am soooo happy for you. Then they will call all your mutual friends and say – OK – are ya ready? She’s in love again!!
Yup and he has all the same qualities that all the rest did…

Now don’t get me wrong. It’s not wrong to want to be loved and share your dreams and passions and have a partner that you can build a life with.
But it can’t be with everyone you meet. And it can’t be with people that need fixing and it can’t be with dysfunctional addictive personalities.

As Sonny from a Bronx Tale said” You have three great one’s in your life”! Your first love, just so you have an expectation of things to come. Your second, because now you really know how to make love and have an understand of the meaning of dysfunction.
And you’re third, because you have the wisdom from your past to know that this one will count!
Actually, I paraphrased! Sonny said something like that.


And how many people take the time to really get to know someone anymore? I believe it’s a lost art! And yet how many times do you hear, it was fine when we first met. But after a while I started seeing all these things?. Even when we see a red flag we can turn it into mauve.
Perhaps if you took the time to really get to know someone you would not always wind up in a place where you are hurt or disappointed or worse -devastated.
We just jump right in and like 6 weeks later while you are having coffee with Mr. Goodbar- you look and say ~ ~ what the hell am I doin with this mess??? O M G …….

Is your motive a lust driven proposition? Which by the way is fine if that’s what you want.
Or is it that you just want that Magic & Passion so badly that you make everyone you meet be THE ONE~

Let me correct one thing, it’s very difficult to be devastated. A person that is not a whole entity cannot devastate you. We’d have the option to say, “no thanks”! But we let the externals or the physical manipulate the internals and then create our own non- reality.

And why would we do that! Well, perhaps we feel that we do not deserve to be happy! Nah, that’s not it. Or perhaps we feel that we can always fix them and make it better? Ahhhhhhhhh….

Look - It’s like shopping at a designer outlet and going to the rack that has slight imperfections. You think, Hummmm – If I did this or accessorize with that, this could work…..
You’ll miss the bigger picture. When someone shows you their true colors the first time, believe them.
Slight imperfections are exactly that! At some point someone will say, “OH-you have a tear in your sweater!”
And you always say, “Really? Gosh – how’d that happen?” 

I understand that Tommy and his shine box might be HOT! But do you want to be married to Da Mob?
I understand that the Holidays ,any Holiday also can make you have bad judgment as well ~ ya know - The Tree, the lights, the tinsel, the BALLS - Yikes…. Before ya know it your bringing home the guy that sold ya the tree. Um – Ma, this is – what’s your name?

Is this just a GURL thang?

Or do Guys go threw this? Hummm – I wonder?
I can hear it now..

Yo Tony – I am so confused, this chick is makin me nutz, I feel so exposed and I am not sure if she really is committed to me? Why am I so vulnerable?
Yo Bobby – look this all goes back to when you was a kid!
Memba your Ma used to take the Cannoli away from you before you could finish it? She played all dese mind games wit chew and now you don’t trust any woman. Minga. I really think she loves ya!


Maybe is it just the Women! Maybe we’ve been disillusioned; maybe we have been fed a host of propaganda. Maybe we bought into the commercialism of love.

We are the ones who believe in all those love stories. “Splendor in the Grass”, “An Affair to Remember”, “The Way We Were”…And for the longest time I am sure some of us believed Lesley Ann Warren really was Cinderella….

Ya gotta believe that your GREAT ONE is out there. But I mean really believe it. 

Now look if Jimmy” 2 times” does show up at your door with some wine and cannoli’s don’t close the door in his face.
I mean ya don’t have to marry him – just leave the gun and take the CANNOLI!
But don’t make a habit out if it!!!
Or maybe it’s premature imagination !!!

I had been talking to some friends that seemed to have many of the same issues in common.
The infamous – why is it so hard to meet someone who is? Here is the list:
•REAL
•NO BAGGAGE
•NOT A BULL SHITTER
•WHO CAN COMMIT
•And last: WHO LOOKS LIKE THEIR PHOTO

This was the litany of questions that were posed to me at dinner the other evening with my peeps.
When we walked into the restaurant (sans reservations) the Maitre’D for some reason decided to give us this private room. Hummmmm, did he sense something I was unaware of?
The food was ordered and the drinks arrived. The discussion got heated. 
I felt bad for the poor waiter because when he came in with the second round – he heard in a loud bellow: ALL MEN SUCK!
I looked up and said to him, sorry it’s GURLS night out no offence this has nothing to do with you. Then I realized he was Gay so I felt better.. Or perhaps he was thinking the same thing! ☺
The food & drink was abundant as was the frustration I was hearing.
Not that I am a Guru on relationships nor that mine is perfecto. But for some reason they thought I had some profound verbiage of the mystery of it all.
After listening to all the complaints and saga’s they then leaned to me and stopped talking!
Now I felt the pressure……………….. 
Hummmmmm, think of something Mare? Say something profound!

Out it flew like the pledge of allegiance. As if painted from memory!
I think this is a shared issue, a 50-50 split of responsibility.
WHAT?
OK, not saying your points are not valid but maybe you need to adjust your criteria of what you are looking for. It seems like they are all the same types? If you are gona go after that gym rat type you have to know that he loves himself more than he can you! His protein shakes have more meaning to him than your phone call.
Also when you are 40 how can you expect people not to have baggage?
However, it’s what they do with that baggage, no? Have they gone to counseling to try to understand their issues and patterns and have any of you done that as well?
I think if you are looking for a guy that is 40 years old and has not been married & divorced and has no children, well????
First check your own selfish meter!
Everyone has a past and if the guy is taking care of his kids that shows that he has character and is responsible! Not a bad quality!

Now the food & drinks are in full swing. I was getting so nervous with all the mayhem, I was eatin like Trailer Park Barbie at a Vegas buffet.

Now back to the waiter – I could see that he would try to judge the lull of the conversation prior to comin in!!!

I did feel bad for one of the gurls as she just got engaged. So she was adamantly saying, look I have been thought my frogs and the cheaters and the drama but I am soooo happy now. It took a long time to find what I have.
Brava gurl – stand up for the good of love & romance.

And the War story’s continued.

So I said look, I once had a date with a midget!
WHAT ?????
YUP!
WHY? ARE YOU INTO THAT?
WHAT? NO !!!!!

I was online and saw this photo – WOWOWOOWOWOW.. Now you all know I am a tad dyslexic so I thought it said 5’4 but it was 4’5. Even though 5’4 was short I thought I could wear flats… ☺
Now I didn’t even know this until I set the meeting up. I was at a bar in Long Beach and I told him that a friend of mine just had a break up so I would not be able to really hang, just say a quick hello.. I just love my instincts….
I was at the jukebox and was pickin some tunes when all of a sudden I hear this high-pitched HI?
The first thing I thought was, Man I must have shitty speakers I never heard that in this song before?
Then I heard it again!
I turned to the left and looked down and there was da munchkin. OMG !
I shook his little hand and saw my friend at the bar laughing uncontrollably.
I then said look, my friend is crying again. Give me a call, gotta go.

Or what about the guy that had 2 cell phones, one for his primary gurl and the other for his Gumada’s.

Or the one’s that are really good at fallin in love for like 2 months!!!

Or the ones that are bi-polar and manic! At least you feel like you are dating several people at one time! Ahhhhh, the male version of Cybil. 
It has its pluses, you can say Louie I don’t want to talk to you bring back the nice one….

Or the Facebook stalker who follows your recent activity like a friggin GPS, then after a week calls you on it. !!

Or the we broke up again and went back last week! AGAIN.

STOP THE INSANITY!!! OK OK !!!!!!!!!!

So your not happy in the land of single mingles! You bought the ticket to the Emotional Roller Coaster of Love, but now you are not even sure if you’re tall enough to be on the ride!
It’s Saturday night, date night USA and you don’t want your friends to think u don’t have a date so Mista Loser calls and you say, YES!!

Or the worse, I went back with my EX – UGHHHHHHHHHHHHH.

Look when someone shows you their true colors the first time, believe them!! Because it is what it is!!!

Please let go of the, “I KNOW I CAN CHANGE THEM – BECUASE YOU CANT!”.

There are some really wonderful people out there that you will never give a chance to because they DON’T FIT YOUR PRECONCEIVED NOTION OF WHAT YOU HAVE IMAGANED YOU NEED!

To prove my point, I went into a deli today to order a sandwich. The counter gurl took my order and proceeded to continue her conversation with the counter boy. She said, why are all these loser guys attracted to me? I mean I attract them like a magnet, why?

OMG! It’s everywhere I go.
Look, the law of attraction! YOU ARE WHAT YOU EAT!
You are attracting them!!! Hello …….
I am not telling you to go out with someone that is unattractive to you. However, there are so many really nice dudes out their that are just not Gangsta’s so why not take a chance. What are you afraid of? Maybe you will actually fall in love wit someone that adores you rather than you always being in this state of Drama.

I think it’s time we –STOP NOW , WHATS THAT SOUND EVERYBODY LOOK WHAT GOING ROUND!

CHANGE YOU – NOT THEM !!! I have always said if you find yourself doing the same things everyday looking for different results, SLAP YOURSELF NOW !!!

All this is easier said then done. It’s all so simple on paper. The rules of engagement are much more challenging.
Don’t settle for Mista wrong or Mista in the meantime. The same goes for you Guy’s as well.

As for Me, I’m Jiminy Cricket, always looking for the silver lining…


The one thing I am certain of is it that the term,
”FOOD FOR THOUGHT!” MUST HAVE BEEN CREATED BY AN ITALIAN !!!!
Who else would use the word FOOD and THOUHGT in the same sentence..!!

I have this sweet little 86-year-old Mom, she is amazing! She is my biggest fan, has always been supportive of me and the one who knows how to dish guilt like it was a plate of manicotti.

My Mom is very religious ~ !  One of her dressers has like 14 statuses of Saints on it, with a small replica of the Pieta. Then one wall has this massive crucifix- hugeeeeeeeeeeee – and the other wall has these rosary beads that are just as big as the cross. Each bead is a big as a racquetball. I swear…

She lives in this High rise in Bergen County and my Brother live in the same building. Everyday she races in her wheel chair to the sliding doors by the terrace. She sits there and crochets, you name it as she looks out the window as complains about what all the people are doing.. She lives on a low floor so nothing passed her….She can tell you who went in and out of the deli and what she thought they bought…

So one day she decided that she wanted to rearrange the living room and so the procession began… Everyone was there moving this and that and my cute little Mom became the Wheel chair CEO… Minga~~

She just loved her new digs…. Then like a week later she gets a call from the lady that owns the deli.

Mary?

Yes..

This is Antoinette form the Deli.

Oh hiya.

Mary, we are looking at your Terrance doors and, well – um …

What what, my Mother shouts.

Well, we see the Blessed Mother in the window….

What, Mom yells… I’ll call ya back…

Then she calls my Brother and sisters, she saves me for last because I pretend I am not home.. hahahahahhahahaha

My Big Bro, the prodicial Italian male and the oldest goes downstairs and looks up.. My Mom and my sisters see him making the sign of the cross.. OMGGGGGGGGGGGGGG

Then one by one my sisters go look and there they are on the street making the sign of the cross.  Omgggggggggggggggg..

That night I call Mom as I always do.

She says, Babe…..

Yea Ma ,what?

She recounts the call (but leave out the part about the Blessed Mother), she recounts my brother and sisters and then she says.” What do you think is on Mommies window?”

I don’t know Ma, what.

The Blessed Mother!!!

WHATTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT….

The battle of wits and why nots began.. She won and I gave up…

For the next week that’s all I heard about… The people at the deli were selling tickets for people to see the vision.

My Brother was upstairs trying to figure out how he could capitalize on this.

My sisters were in Awe and I, well I was at the shrink…

There was this pilgrimage on Bergen Blvd to see the vision…. People were asking if they could come in the apartment!

So finally I go to see this!

And ya now what????  I saw the same thing, this vision of the Blessed Mother!!!!!!! OMG!!!!! OMGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG.

I’m like, No , No, nooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo.

You read about this shit in the Enquirer!  Man in coffee shop saw the Blessed Mother on a potato chip!!!! Not here. Not my Mom’s house!!!!!

So I go to look around, thinking something aint right~~~

When she rearranged the living room she also rearranged her knickknacks and other statuses. Then I saw it! She had a sun catcher with all these crystals hanging and behind that was a glass figurine of the Blessed Mother…

MINGA!!!!! As soon as I moved the figurine the only Mary that was left was my MOM……………..

She was sooooo disappointed!!!! So was my brother because apparently he called the press and was making a deal to get folks up there to rub the glass for $5.00….

As soon as the vision was gone all these pigeons appeared on her terrace the next day. She was so angry… Yellin at them, sushin and all. This saga went on for a week. The she called one night and said, “Babe, its Mommie” – yea Ma..

All the pidgins left!

Thank God, I replied.

She then says. All but one, he wont leave know matter what I do….I did this, I did that and he always comes back?

Really Ma?

Yea Babe, ya know what?

What Ma –

SO HERE WE ALL ARE ON THIS PLANET TRYING TO FOLLOW ARE DREAMS, MAKE MONEY, MAKE IT COUNT, FIND THE LOVE OF OUR LIFE AND FIND TIME FOR RANDOM ACTS OF KINDNESS.

WE ARE SO BUSY THOUGH!

WE HAVE TO MANAGE OUR FACEBOOK ACCOUNT. MAKE SURE WE UPLOAD PHOTOS AND TAKE THE LATEST QUIZ.

THEN UPDATE TWITTER AND TWEET AT LEAST 2X A DAY.

OH YES AND LETS NOT FORGET TO SEND OUT THOSE EMAILS TO OUE DEAR FRIENDS TO SAY HOW MUCH WE MISS THEM AND CANT WAIT TO CHAT.

CALL ONSTAR FOR DIRECTIONS, ORDER THOSE NEW JEANS ONLINE, UPDATE YOUR ROAMING CAPABILITY FOR YOUR CELL PHONE AND DELETE YOUR SPAM…

 THEN YOU DRINK YOUR BREAKFAST. TAKE THE PILL THAT MANAGES YOUR FRAME OF MIND AND YOU HEAD TO THE OFFICE.

ONCE THERE YOU ARE READY FOR YOUR VIDEO CONFERENCE CALL…

RUN FOREST RUN!

ITS TIME WE STOP, HEY WHAT’S THAT SOUND EVERYBODY LOOK WHAT’S GOIN DOWN.

THE ONLY TIME YOU BUMP INTO ANYONE ON THE STREET, IS WHEN YOU’RE HEADS DOWN AND YOUR TEXTING.

SO LOOK, ALL THIS HIGH TECH STUFF IS GREAT!

HOWEVER, I THINK WE HAVE LOST THE ART OF COMMUNICATION.

YES COMMUNICATION AND ALL THAT GOES WITH IT…

WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME YOU RECEIVED A HAND WRITTEN LETTER FROM YOUR LOVE?

YOU MIGHT HAVE 582 FRINDS ON FACEBOOK & MYSPACE BUT CAN YOU CALL THEM IF YOU HAVE A PROBLEM?

WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME YOU LAID IN THE GRASS WITH A BOTTLE OF WINE, A BASKET OF GOODIES AND SHARED THAT WITH SOMEONE YOU LOVED?

SOMETIMES I THINK WE ARE SO BUSY UPDATEING EVERYONE ON OUR STATUS THAT WE FORGET WHAT OUR STATUS REALLY IS?

I THINK - ITS TIME WE STOP, HEY WHAT’S THAT SOUND EVERYBODY LOOK WHAT’S GOIN DOWN.

OUR NATION IS BROKE, WE HAVE INFLUENZA THAT IS SPREADING LIKE PULLED PORK, DRIVE BY SHOOTINGS,

THE GASA STRIP IS NOW A NEW GO GO BAR AND THE MIDEAST IS IN THE SAME SITUATION SINCE JESUS VISITED.

IF YOU READ THE BIBLE STORIES ABOUT PLAGUE, PESTILENCE, FAMINE AND RAPING AND PILLAGING THE VILLAGE IT SOUNDS LIKE DETRIOT!

THE MAYAN PROPHECY HAS PREDICTED THE END OF THE WORLD ON DECEMBER 21^ST, 2012.

THERE IS EVEN A WEBISTE ONLINE THAT HAS A COUNTDOWN. AS OF THIS WRITING WE HAVE – 1308 DAYS, 20 HOURS, 54 MINUTES AND 38 SECONDS.

SO I’M THINKING - ITS TIME WE STOP, HEY WHAT’S THAT SOUND EVERYBODY LOOK WHAT’S GOIN DOWN.

WE HAVE MEDICINE THAT HAS MORE SIDE EFFECTS THAN BENEFITS! ALL WITH THE EXCEPTION OF REQUIP ,THE DRUG FOR RESTLESS LEG SYNDROME.. THE SIDE EFFECTS ARE, INCREASED SEXAUAL DESIRE AND AN URGE TO GAMBLE… I JUST GOT SOME AND IN 2 DAYS I WILL BE IN ATLANTIC CITY LEANING OVER THE CRAP TABLE LOOKING FOR A HARD 7..

SO WITH ALL THE TMI AND BRB AND TTYL.

I THINK WE SHOULD ASK THE CREDIT CARD COMPANYS TO DEFER OUR PAYMENTS UNTIL 2012. GO SHOPPING, MAKE LOVE, FIND YOU HAPPY TOUGHT AND KEEP IT, TAKES RISKS AND FIND THE LOVE OF YOUR LIFE!

AS FOR ME – ALL I WANT IS FACE TIME AND JAZZ HANDS!

OH YEA AND ONE MORE THING?  A BUNKER!!!!   J

ALL IS FAIR IN LOVE & FB comments

The other night I was browsing the home page. This woman wrote how crazy in love she was with her Husband and that had been married for many years and they still have it going on.
Then some woman commented and said. “Oh really, then he must be having an affair if he is all into you!” Or maybe you are just delusional because it’s is BS!!
MINGA- WOW~ ~~ !!!!!
The woman that wrote the original post simply replied back and said, “ Sorry you have been hurt!”..

Now that was amazing because if it were me I would have been all over that, soooo typicial Italian!! All in da sauce..

There are some peeps out there that have, shall we say – “FOUND IT”.
The magic and passion. The trust and mutual respect.
The continued longing after years of being together. 
Learning the dance of compromise. Supporting your partners needs and dreams.
Trust me, it can happen! This I know for a fact. 
I am not trying to get all Zen and cerbrial on you here but I am a believer.


With Valentines Day lurking in the wings many things come to mind.
First off, Love got nothing to do with Valentines Day!
Anyone can get all in the Kool-aid for ONE day – Love is maintaining that stature all the time ~

Some Folks are tainted about Love, some folks are in Love with Love and some Folks settle for Love.
Some Folks even misplace Sex for Love! Then six months later you wake up, look at that person and say, “what was I thinking!”. Ahhh, the mistake of Lusty love…

However, not every Mista you meet is Mista Right! He or she may simply be Mista for the Moment..
They may be the person that comes into your world to teach you some lessons. Yes I know – how many lessons do we need.
That depends on you! If you find yourself doing the same things every day, excepting different results, well slap yourself now…

So when u meet someone new and you think there is potential there. Plan the moments rather than the future. It’s not based on manipulation or control but rather a need. Controlling the situation is not about being a control freak. It’s basically about controlling insecurities. Some people use strategies of control to compensate for not trusting. Or what if yourself into a corner for no good reason at all.

Don’t let all those old behaviors take control. Therefore ,do not allow yourself to assume without the facts. Because assumptions manipulate fears and fears drive insecurities and before you know it, You’re in the Land of fear, dread and axeitiy. With a season pass to the resort of Disappointment! And none of it has even happened. You are what if’ing. And then believing it!
If you were hurt !!! Find you way home from there and don’t let what could be a god thing pass you by because you are afraid to let them in or sabotage it.

So if you are in Love – God Bless ya for taking a chance!~~

If you are Single – hang in because your Love will arrive shortly and when you are ready to let it happen.
If you are Asexual – I hope u have a pet !!!!


Most of you peeps that are my Bud’s on here know that I have a flair for Da funny’s but I am gonna close on a serious note. Hope ya dig it!!!
Happy Valentines Day!!

“ Timing is Everything”


How often in this world do we get it right, or perhaps should I say how often do we pretend to get it right. Both statements are equally true!
Does any one really fall in love any more?
I mean falling in love as described by the Great Poets and the Tragic Greeks.

Are we truly driven by the psychosis of our times?
Have you ever heard yourself say this.? Oh it’s better than nothing.
I’m so tired of being alone and the sex is incredible…

If you have than your motivation is not inspired your simply being driven by boardom,fear and lust. Could you imagine Venus the Goddess of Love laying on her feathered bed whining about her fears and spouting out – Oh bring me that! I’m sure it will do for now…

Fortunately I still believe. I believe in passion, in desire, in longing and in romance. I believe in magic for I have felt the fire. Some people look to find a reason to believe and I believe that there is a reason for everything. Timing is a part of structure and cohesiveness. A great concerto can be a disaster if played in the wrong time and a great romance might never be explored because of poor timing.

I don’t think we realize how much we use that word. Whether for positive or negative connotation it’s a word that has less impact but greater value.
For example: I had a great time last night! Okay, it’s time for bed.
It’s time I should be leaving. If we only had more time! I wish I would have met you at another time in my life. This is bad timing. Time heals all wounds. And oh yes – God I’ve lost track of all time. I think that’s the most frightening….

I believe that time is a lesson.
Whether it be fragments, hours, days, months or years. Within that duration we learn about ourselves. We learn how to deal with our journey and how other factors and people can cloud our vision and our emotions. We learn that the Great Poets and the Tragic Greeks are history and their words have faded. We are now tainted … Our spontaneity is squelched and our passion is now guarded. Our view is contorted and you feel every one who enters your world has an agenda that will cause you pain. In some cases that might be true but it might be something you need to experience. You can continue to gather brick and mortar to protect your existence but you’ll never find euphoria. Your energy will only attract those that are less than you, those that will never challenge you and those that will never devastate you. A great prophylactic but no penetration.

So the next time you meet someone and your intrigued or you find they motivate you and excite you don’t use timing as your scapegoat!
Because that chance meeting might not be chance. That might be your most important moment in time. That might be your Great Poet or your Tragic Greek.
Devastation is passing timing is everything. Of course they say that time is an illusion? 

I HATE TO WHINE

Well here we go again! Have ya been watchin the news.. Jeez,, Run Forest Run!

The Swine flu is back. It’s comin in like Tony Soprano just ordered a hit!

The news stations are all over this like a cheap suit!

I really think that they make it worse..

Flash – The Swine flu is making it’s come back and it’s gonna hit harder and faster. The AMA said they are making the vaccine as fast as they can.. Hello!!!! We need jobs right? You know this last year, right? Don’t make me come there and smack you. You are making it as fast as you can??????

Eyewitness news said, with the school season approaching children are advised not to HI 5 or hug.. What!!  Well now we will see a decline in teen pregnancy!!!

Fox News: We must all wash are hands as much as possible.. Here we with go with more OCC issues…

Cnn News - Dr. Sanjay Gupta touring a hospital. Do we have enough beds, enough meds to support a pandemic? He says hospitals are trying to ramp up…. Are you friggin kidding me!!  For some reason Dr. Gupta pisses me off. If I were ever in a hospital and he walked in.. Ohh fahhhhhh!!!!

Have you noticed that when politician talk about it , they call it H1N1, What is it,, Swine flu or H1N1?

Look I hate to look on the dark side here. However the Mayan calendar forecasted the end of the world on December 25^th, 2012. There is even a website that has a count down, How friggin sick are people…

If ya look around, between the whacked out weather, Tsunami’s, floods, trees flying in Bergen County towns, planes crashing in parking lots, George Bush, depression, recession, the dollar, wait what dollar? I mean these are things that make ya go Hummmmmmmmm.

You never hear this shit in Paris, France. Ahhh the land of Amore, Pepi le Pew. But just so ya know it’s happening there too, Oh ya now the French, there keeping it all quite. But here is the newsflash::::

 There has been an outbreak out of Mime Flu.

President: Nicolas SARKOZY announced that Mime’s have been found all over Paris, dead! From Mime flu, Yes, Oui!!

They have received calls stating that the Mime’s have died in their own boxes that they made. They said it was so sad, no one could hear their cries!!!

So now we have all this drama and craziness to look forward too.

But if the Mayan’s are correct and it’s gona be all over on 2012…

Here is my recommendation.

Go to the furniture store and buy all the new shit you want and get on the pay no interest until 2013 deal..

Hey if they are right, you’ll be stylin for a few years. If they are wrong you pray for unemployment extensions.

But in the meantime, hug and kiss and love and live and oh yeah- WASH YOU’RE FRIGGIN HANDS..